We All Fall Short

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One of my many thoughts today was the words, “We all fall short of the glory of God.” Meaning, no one is perfect. I can’t compare myself. Even if I don’t struggle like the other person does, I can struggle in another area. People struggle with pornography, sexual immortality, masturbation, steeling, telling lies, being unkind, not being understanding, not being honest, not being fruitful, not being loving, shouts of anger, a bad mouth, the list could be endless. I might not struggle with most of these, but I do struggle with being loving, having angry words, the need to be perfect, or not trusting in the Lord and falling into my own understanding. I can sin against God and man. I can hurt others and myself just as another person who struggle with who knows. I can’t compare myself or rate myself to another. Because we end up all doing the same thing. Hurting ourselves, hurting others, and sinning before God.

One of the biggest things I’ve learned about myself this year is finding out I am not as righteous as I thought. I thought the more I would understand about my Father the better I would become.  It turns out this year, He has really humbled me in seeing that I can still fall short through all my efforts of being knowledgeable. The more I grow in Him the more I understand I need Him.  I fight myself and God every time I fail Him. It’s because I have become more aware of how weak and sinful nature I really am day after day. Knowing over and over I can retain knowledge, but still not be perfect and blameless. That perfection and thoughts of self righteousness is getting tumbled down. Tumbled into the arms of someone perfect and wants me as I fall short in Him. I don’t understand it fully and I hate it sometimes, but He knows what I truly need. He is amazing and patient in teaching me this amazing power of love through forgiveness and grace. As He continues to humble me in revealing how powerless I am in myself.

 

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind but now I see. ~ John Newton 

What I Learned From Corrie Ten Boon

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I just finished the book Hiding Place, a biography about Corrie Ten Boons life. It was humbling to read and very much encouraging hearing about the life she had. The people she was influence and guided by. The words of wisdom she was brought up to be the woman she was during WW2. She is the lady known for hiding Jews during the war; and how her and her sister was taken to the concentration camps.

What spoke to me was Corrie’s and I similarities. We both don’t like to be isolated from people and we both struggle to be compassionate to those that we are hurt by. In prison she was alone in a cell and couldn’t speak to anyone. She was in there for 7 months until she was sent to camp. She clinged to a young girl guard when she heard her father was dead. Instead of pitty she got blamed for it. She then cried out to God realizing that she went to someone instead of going to God. For the ministry in prison it was her sister Betsie that understood the real battle that was going on in the souls of those who mistreated them. It was Betsie that helped Corrie with her anger towards those that needed Jesus the most. It was Betsie’s dream for Corrie to reach out to the Germans after the war because they were so lost. Corrie was the leader in helping and providing the Jews in her home. She wasn’t when it came to the spiritual leadership.

Another part of the story that stood out to me was her home. Growing up as a child Corrie’s parents took care and welcomed extended family into their home. When they all passed they invited others to stay in their home until they could be independent on their own. They knew their neighbors, they cared for them. They were there for each other in everything. They helped others when they knew it would cost them their comforts and their lives.

This family are roll models to me. I love the fact they can take care of their family, take care for others, and still have hobbies and jobs. It looks like a lot, but it’s so rewarding and filling. I personally want to do more and that takes order and prioritizing, but I believe it can be done. This is a lifestyle I admire so much.

Seeing this beautiful lifestyle in this family, has given me even more of a heavy heart to my own little world right now. I’ve grown to be disappointed at myself and to my own culture and how we lost the talent of really being their for one another. What is it that we have lost the time or want to help each other. Have we become numb? Have we created excuses? Have we become so busy with our own lives and circle that we don’t have the priority for others lives? It is a problem when we don’t feel like we can go to people because of judging. It is a problem when we can’t be honest with each other. It is a problem when we can’t even share the ugly battles to our friends. What do we individually have a hard time with to not be their for each other or open ourselves up for one another’s help?

I Hate Speed Bumps

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In this journey I stumbled upon a road with speed bumps. I was on my way of understand and receiving God’s love joyfully, until now. Everything was going good, until the road sign read, “Love on those that hurt you.” Speed bump. (Who likes those stupid things?)

I knew that in order to move forward God would need to give me a heart for grace and compassion. He would really have to teach me to understand this one. It just couldn’t happen over night. For years I’ve created distance between people that have wronged me and who never confessed that they were wrong. Yes, even fellow Christians. That even made things even harder. Who could I trust? Since I was a child, I grew up with hurt. I never knew how to handle them in a healthy way.  I just grew up putting up walls. I figured I couldn’t trust them in certain areas of my life. I sheltered myself from people so I couldn’t be exposed to hurt again.

If your reading this, it probably sounds reasonable. Sure, why would you open up to people that couldn’t respect me or be trust worthy?

…bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Luke 6:28

But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. Matt 5:44

May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus.. Romans 15:5

I wish I could tell you how these verses humbled me and convicted me. Sure they convicted me, but humble me? It just brought up past hurts and frustrations. I am still fighting the fact that I don’t want to expose to hurt, to understand ( I understand them plenty!), have compassion, or to reach out to them in love. Oh, my favorite. Pray for them. I haven’t really been able to do these very well or at all. I even started feeling that my hurt wasn’t a reason for justice or for God to really step in and intervene.

What I have learned about my own heart is this. I found out I can’t love others, give them mercy, give them grace,  and pray for them with a quiet spirit. Until I can do that for myself. It’s all vertical. I cant give it, If I can’t receive it.  I am still weighing my worth on a scale.

What I understand, but can’t grasp yet is that God can take care of all of me. Even if people hurt me, I can fully be fulfilled and trust that God loves me and understands me. The hardest part is that God has that mercy and grace with everyone. It isn’t just me that He takes care of, but the people that wrong me. I want justice when I want it. I want God to be all for me and be on my side. The hardest part is practicing the heart of Christ. Yes, God is going to love on me when I am wronged, but he loves the people that hurt me too. He wants to give them mercy and grace. He is trying to teach me understanding. Mercy and grace to those that need it too.

We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.

Romans 15:1-2

 

 

 

The Boys Birthday Parties

It was a crazy crazy few weeks over here. Both boys birthday are in April and I was worried that I wouldn’t have the energy or will power to make up the decorations or think of something fun to do. Finances are really tight so I was always waiting for a pay check to buy the stuff I needed. In order to make or get decorations which gave me two to three days. God was really good and helped me out. He gave me energy, ideas, and the money to do what I was imagining.

Maximus turned three this year and he is really into “How To Train A Dragon” and Veggie Tale Vikings about sharing. So this year, vikings was our theme. He loved the swords and shields that I put together. The two banners made of paper, paint, and marker. It was a fun party. I loved painting and creating the ship which was out of cardboard. I didn’t mind dressing up a little for it myself. 😉

 

My lil lad turned one this year! I knew for a long time I wanted to base the party theme off of the book, “The Wonderful Things You Will Do” by Emily Martin. Love her books! I didn’t know really how to do it, but it turned out to be a little bit of everything. There were balloons, a flag banner that I made, and a little garden where the food was with outdoor animals. We threw a tee pee that my husband made while back in the back yard for the kids to play in. It was a really cute party. I did a lot more for this one, but it was worth it! It was Tenzin’s first. Even though it was really for me (that’s what they say) I wanted to bless him and everyone that came. Besides it gave me a chance to use my creative skills. I haven’t made anything for a while. Yay for projects!

I Am Needy

 

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I want to get really honest. I want to be real. I want more out of life. I want to figure it all out. I just want to be heard. I want people to know me. I want to be noticed. I want to be loved. I want to feel special. Diving deeper into Jesus and his love for me is also revealing my identity. Looking at my identity also makes me look at who and how I see myself. As the truth becomes uncovered, I see the needs that I am constantly wanting filled up. God is shifting my neediness to Him.

I am needy. I never knew how much. Most recently one day, I was really needy for attention. God gave me this scripture verse Psalms 40:17, “As for me, I am poor (afflicted/lowly) and needy, but the Lord thinks upon me.” I always thought David was talking about wealth, but now I know that it is about himself. And you know what? God is never going to tell me I am to needy for his love and attention. Others might because it can get annoying and unhealthy, but not Jesus.  The neediness I feel can only be satisfied when I put it in front of Jesus. Otherwise, I look at my husband. When my husband can’t cut it, I day dream that other men, friendships, or things that could give me what I want. They can’t feel my neediness, but they can distract the neediness until I am needy again. It can’t be SATISFIED! Because it isn’t Jesus. I am constantly needy for love (not sex), affection, attention, a complement, or wants. Again, I am recently finding myself desiring other men (fatherly figures) attention and affirmation. Why is that? It could be the lack of it in my life. Even if that is true, I must know Jesus can fill my need. My desire. My longing to be constantly told something sweet and encouraging. I don’t know how long this longing will get satisfied, but I know now that Jesus will get me there. Oh Papa Father please fill in the longings of my heart. Don’t every stop showing me your love for me!

 

 

 

Pancakes (Syrup and Butter Not Needed)

I have been searching for a good pancake recipe for forever! I finally found one that works with my low gluten diet and it’s delicious! It is so sweet and oily from the coconut you really don’t need syrup and butter. All you need is fruit! You could do whatever you want, but fruit is my personal favorite.  I am using my mom’s recipe but substituted a bit of it . This recipe makes a big batch it serves two adults, a toddler, and a baby.

I like giving it to my nine month old, because the texture comes apart nicely. Almond flour and banana makes chewing for my son easy, so I doesn’t have to worry about him choking.

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These are some of the products I use for the recipe.

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The finished product! Yum yum! 🙂

Ingredients:

1 cup Almond flour

1 cup Semolina flour  ( or Garbanzo bean flour)

4 tsp. baking powder

1/2 coconut oil ( or Olive oil)

1 Tbs. honey

1 1/2-2 cups Almond milk

2 eggs ( or one whole banana)