Safe Place For Our Mess

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I don’t like showing much of my messy side, but here it is the raw truth. It’s a mess. I have never been so tired of seeing my house look chaotic. I would say I have been known to having a clean house, but if you saw it now you would think otherwise.  It has taken me three days trying to catch up on the dishes.  I have three loads of laundry sitting there waiting to be folded. I’m so tired of trying to catch up with it all. I have come to realize it might be like this for a while. It’s really hard for me to grasp this concept, because I have always had a clean home. I can’t function with a messy house and I don’t feel accomplished if it’s messy. Just like getting ready for the day, if I am continually in my pjs I feel crappy.  I can’t even leave the house with it in chaos, but today I had too. Otherwise, I would never get out of the house. Just another phase I need to get use to and be okay with I guess.

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One quality that I wish I had right now is to be more honest about the real stuff, like my messy kitchen. That I need to not be embarrassed and act all together. I want to learn to create a safe place for others to share and be themselves with their messes without me being judging or trying to fix their problems. Learning more and more as a Christian we should be open to one another about our struggles and make a safe environment for each other. I appreciate when others give me that security to share my struggles so I can major and grow. It’s refreshing when others are honest too. I lack this quality so much and I am very eager to learn to do this better.

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Oat Banana Muffins

Just another one of those mornings I didn’t want the usual. One of my old time favorite recipes that is quick and yummy is this oat banana muffin recipe. Did I mention you can add chocolate chips on the top? Delicious. It is super soft, filling, and soooo good. I usually double the recipe and if I do that I do half cup almond butter and half cup of coconut oil. If I don’t have almond butter I do coconut oil. I also don’t put as much honey in it because bananas and chocolate already make it sweet. Let me know what you think. Hope you enjoy it with coffee!

Unsure Of

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It’s been a weak week. It’s so true when you don’t spend time alone with God everyday other things creep in. It all started for me being hurt from others. Then struggling with isolation from others and being home gets to me so much. It’s been depressing when I can’t do much moving and then all I want to do is be alone and be relaxed. Its been hard for me to go to God with my frustrations. I know I’m not doing things right, but what I realized more is that when I do have a hard time going to God when I feel hurt and overwhelmed is that I don’t believe him when He says He is always faithful and loving.

Andrew has been really trying to be here for me. Trying to pray for me. Trying to encourage me of what God is doing in my life. But I can’t agree to pray with him most times. His words I don’t find encouraging. I just feel like it’s God trying to correct me 24/7 and I don’t find it loving. I can’t pray sometimes to Him because of the hurt.

Spending time in His word tonight helped a lot and got me refocused on Him. I’m still unsure of which is life happenings or Him purposefully teaching me a life lesson. I know that all He wants is for us to spend time with Him and that’s our goal. Our purpose is found in Him, but I still feel empty and think He doesn’t want me to do anything. That’s not biblical and doesn’t make sense either. So how to find the balance? What’s His will? What if it’s my personal weaknesses getting in the way? What is the truth  behind all of what is all happening? I’m praying for mercy hoping for grace in this time of not understanding and not grasping fully God’s love for me when I am confused by how He is showing it. I want to believe that He still loves me when I get frustrated with confusion. I hope I can just have grace from people and not judgement.  I want sympathy and help, not correction and point the finger at my faults. Because I want the truth but I’m so confused what is true and not.

God please open my eyes and mind to understand and know the difference. God please have patients with me when I am weak and a sinner. Help me to understand and have hope for now and the future. Amen

Shampoo, Foundation, Mas…

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This week I got hit with the finance blues. Money has been super tight and I am starting to run out of everything. Everything to make me look like I am put together when I feel crummy.  Especially, at my last pregnancy stages which are really making me depressed. I ran out of hair product, makeup, and clothes all at the same time! Why????!!

To sum up me this week, I’ve been annoyed with my body and it’s making me feel self conscious. The other day I got annoyed with Andrew for not saying, “Go ahead and go use the credit card on what you need/want.” Then I was mad when that didn’t happen which I knew was being impatient. Then I was not praying about it because I thought it was stupid. Thinking God was trying to teach me a life lesson through this and not caring about my silly need of wanting hair product, makeup, and clothes. It has totally thrown me out of whack and it made me distant from my Father.

All I want to say is this, it is not to silly for the Lord. God cares about our every need. He always provides. It’s true, things I never thought I would get ( or any time soon) God has provided. He will provide in a way that will be perfect. God loves you and me and wants to hear every little prayer. Don’t fall short in praying to him just because it isn’t something more “important.” He wants us to take everything to him like our day to day needs. Even if it’s needing money to go buy shampoo, foundation, mascara, pants, and shirts. Ugh, I could go on…. ;p

A Thought on Marriage

So I have a friend getting married this next weekend. He and I have talked a lot about what to expect and he has asked a lot about different aspects of my marriage over the last five years with Rachel. These chats have been good, but ultimately my experience will mean nothing to the battles that he will face in his own marriage. With marriage being as tough as it is, its no wonder the divorce rate is so high especially with my short sighted generation. But there are two things that I must remind myself of to keep me balanced and loving the love of my life.

First, I think we all perceive or claim that we are characterized by this but who’s really fooling them self about patients. My pastor recently described patients from its Greek or Latin root meaning to be “long suffering with love.” Hello, I can’t say that about myself. I will interact with a coworker and turn right around and let someone know how frustrated I am. It’s not in any human being nature to be long suffering, let alone long suffering with love. And yet, this is a lesson that God wanted to teach me in life which is why he decided I should take on the intimacy of marriage at a younger age than most of my peers.

Second is giving grace. Because who really merits that kiss goodnight and a back rub while making dutch ovens under the covers. Or how can I expect my wife to love me every time I break my promise of when I will be coming home. Grace is giving unmerited favor, just as God gave Christ as our payment. I love my wife, but I do struggle at times acting out with such grace.

But really, Marriage has been one of the greatest changes in my life and brought maturity in a way that I would have neglected before. I love my wife and know that we have a long while to go until one of us kicks the bucket and so much more of me will be needed to make all this work. I just thank God that He is good and will provide all that I need when storms come…. or more children, they challenge me to. But as the great philosopher Jim Gaffigan says that his wife is the best thing that ever happened to him and with each child he becomes a better man. This is my marriage, what about yours?

My Social Issues

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Alright, I had a melt down. I think I am finally figuring out the pattern. It’s being isolated and not getting a break. This week I had almost every day a play date or some sort of outing which I would been able to get out and have a little freedom. This week mostly everything got canceled. Unfortunately, stuff like this happens even with my efforts to get out and find some social time. When it doesn’t happen it really comes back at me, because I am that person that does well with interaction and I need a break. Sounds totally reasonable, right?

One issue I come up with is that I am not one of those moms that just because I need a social life I am not going to do things that are a typical mom thing to do. I don’t know what other word to put it. I don’t mean to be harsh. I am a rebel when it comes to being different in some situations.  I am not a library reading/ singing along mom, I am not a mom that does MOPS ( maybe if my own church had one), and I don’t do mass public places/ money activities. If you like that sort of thing. Good for you! I wish I could be you! My social life would be so much more easier. I personally hate them, I don’t feel comfortable mentally and physically in those  environments. I  do try them, but why be miserable with doing things that are not for me?

What is their for a mom in this culture? I would love to go nature hiking, exploring with my kids, and do artsy things, but it’s just not time for me to do that yet. My kids are not at that age for certain activities and my thirty-two week prego belly just can’t function with two toddlers. Plus all that extra needed energy. What do you mommas do that love nature and don’t want to get trapped into the norm of just doing stuff just because? Let’s get creative. Let’s discover what we are uniquely creatively called to be as a woman and a momma. How can we thrive in what God gives to us and enjoy life? Let’s help each other out and think outside the box of what to do, instead of doing things that culture only hands to us. Who wants to bear much fruit with our labor (raising hand)!?

Whenever I get confused about what a stay home mom is suppose to look like, I think of the women in Proverbs 31. It’s a short chapter, I would advise you to read it( I just reread it again). It displays all the things that this women of the Lord was praised over. She did more than just find socialization, entertain her children, and keep the house clean. She worked to provide her home with good things, she gardens and provides for her workers and family, she helps others in need, she dresses herself well and keeps healthy and strong, she sells clothes that she makes, and teaches kindness, she fears the Lord, and EVERYONE calls her blessed.

SHE’S SO AWESOME! I want to be like this woman! Who is fruitful.  Look at all the things she does! I don’t know about you, but I am jazzed right now and encouraged by this woman.  It definitely, gives me ideas of all the other possible Biblical things that a women of God can do with her time. We don’t have to get in that trap of what we think a momma social life is suppose to look like. Our social life doesn’t have to evolve around our children. Our lives doesn’t have to priorities keeping our children happy 24/7. It’s not our purpose. I want to stop beating myself up when I don’t socialize like another mom does. What I am suppose to all do for my kids. What a stay at home mom “doesn’t do.” All the answers are in the Word of God!

Questions:

  • What do you think God is calling you to do individually?
  • What is your favorite daily routine you would like to share on here? I would love to get some ideas. 🙂