I think that its fitting to touch on a major aspect of leadership that I’m learning about. That’s right, tonight is about me actually learning to lead these last several months, not manage life and family. I can’t say I’m anywhere close to perfection, but at least I have been given goals so I have a better idea where I’m going.
Two analogies come to my mind when I think about my role as a leader. One is driving a car. Every first time driver struggles even at low speeds as they learn to drive (or consider the idea of “leading”) the car. The car may react in certain ways due to the performance of the vehicle and outside conditions, but ultimately the driver is the one leading or directing the vehicle. Second analogy that I like, and it may be because I’m a guy, is that of a ship’s captain. A ship’s captain, when at see, has to lead the vessels crew in order to achieve the purpose of the voyage that he was given. The captain isn’t necessarily alone in his task as he will have the help of his lead officers to accept advise from and handle the crew. And so is life and marriage.
Why bring up these two analogies and aren’t they a bit cliche? Yes, a bit cliche but they each have aspects that we can all learn from. The driver is the more singular aspect of the leading and taking responsibility of what happens with the vehicle on the road. The driver is the sole leader of the car, no other seat has control over the vehicle. The ship is a better analogy of the family as other people (wife and kids) are on board who have to trust the captain who is leading the vessel. The captain needs the crew to operate the ship and has to trust their expertise in order to carry out their voyage’s purpose, but ultimately holds the responsibility for the ship and any problems that may ensue.
There are other aspects of leadership that I will touch on but i wanted to talk about my hardest struggle first. It is so easy for me to just want to turn this part of life on cruise control and try to coast through an easy streak of time. In other words, I like to be lazy and I don’t always want to plan ahead; and then when the decisions start getting rough and there are consequences for my lack of forsite or that I just have to face some hard stuff in general, I falter. I learned to be the peace keeper as the middle child, didn’t necessarily care whether people loved each other, I just don’t like confrontations. Though I’m not a lazy person in the present, my lack of vision in the future set my marriage off in a poorly and without ground to lay a foundation for the future. Here I was met with many confrontations that I couldn’t fix.
Pride of how I did things was my initial downfall as i thought that I was a leader and was leading. As conflicts arose due to my blindness of self, my wife saw through my thin layer of smarts/pride and became frustrated, and I had no idea how to appease the matter. I did the opposite of leading and gave up my right as a leader to just manage our marriage leaving us directionless for the most part as I looked for full time employment. Rachel tried taking control and did her best, but that isn’t what she was called for, I was called to lead the home and take responsibility whenever crap hit the fan. The beauty is though that I can still step back in by the Grace of God and can see the weight leaving my wife. This is what I’m being called for in right now, to take the burden of making the decisions at home. Though we make all our choices together, I bear the burden of them as I need to lead the family.
I feel like I’m over cooking the turkey at this point. Its been a struggle over the years for me to always except what has happened and the circumstances thereof. But I have come to the realization that I don’t want to live a comfortable life and seek my own pleasure; but I want to lead my family deeper into the plan that God has for us. Don’t know where that is yet, but that is part of the journey that Rachel and I will explore together. She just doesn’t need to have to worry about the direction, but needs to stand by me and advise and we listen and pursue the plan God has purposed for our life.